


stay in my arms (if you dare)

by brbabe



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Nipple Piercings, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:35:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22407325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brbabe/pseuds/brbabe
Summary: From a companion to a necessity, Donghun's cuddles were all Junhee could think about. Junhee feels lost – falling in love with his best friend slash roommate is hard on its own, but Donghun is straight. It couldn't be any worse.Or, the one where Junhee can't sleep, Donghun is oblivious and neither of them are as smart as they think they are.
Relationships: Kim Byeongkwan/Kim Sehyoon | Wow, Lee Donghun/Park Junhee | Jun
Comments: 33
Kudos: 265





	stay in my arms (if you dare)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [minseokiki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minseokiki/gifts).



> Hi! This is my first time writing for ace so I'm a little nervous... this is most likely not my best work but I'm getting the hang of their characterisation so next time it will be better, let's hope! 
> 
> For Flavia, of course. Without you this really wouldn't exist. Love you.

Junhee is hot. He feels Donghun’s presence just behind him, too intense, too heavy even if they aren’t touching. Everything is too much. The room is too dim, the bed is too soft, Donghun is too warm and Junhee is too in love. Every moment that led up to this was too much of a mistake. At first, sleeping with Donghun meant only that: sleeping. One night, though, it felt different. Junhee’s insomnia wasn’t the reason why he crawled under Donghun’s duvet anymore.

From a companion to a necessity, Donghun's cuddles were all Junhee could think about. Junhee feels lost – falling in love with his best friend slash roommate is hard on its own, but Donghun is _straight._ He is straight as an arrow, has never fooled around with boys, never felt the need to. Junhee presumes that's the only reason why Donghun had nodded when he showed up in his room at three in the morning and said: "Can I sleep here?"

"Something wrong?" Donghun had asked.

"My insomnia is scared of you," Junhee mumbled. "Whenever we nap on the couch I do fall asleep."

Donghun arched an eyebrow, "I'm so omnipotent," He patted the space next to him. "Come here."

Junhee had slept with Donghun almost every night in the past two months after that. 

Of course, sometimes he doesn't sleep. His insomnia too much even for the great Donghun to keep away, but he still laid there watching as Donghun made grumpy faces even in his sleep. 

That had been a mistake, Junhee knows, because he was already attracted to Donghun before knowing how warm and solid he was. Junhee already wanted him before all this and now that he's used to being held by Donghun, he wants even more. It's insane, Donghun would never look at him as something else – something more. Junhee is always going to be a friend, a roommate, a supportive younger brother, maybe. 

Junhee is someone who helps Donghun get the girl he wants when they are out, he is not what Donghun wants.

It's fine. He shifts on the bed and watches Donghun sleeping, his breathing a little uneven because he's still recovering from a cold, mouth falling open like an idiot. Junhee had always found this so annoying in his previous partners. Truthfully, anything would be a reason for him to lose interest in someone: sleeping with his mouth open was a no, taking up too much space on the bed was definitely a no, smoking is usually something he hates – but all these things are things Donghun does and they do little to keep Junhee from loving him. 

Even if sometimes Donghun smells strongly of nicotine mixed with peppermint, Junhee will want to hold him close. When Junhee moves some more, Donghun sighs – he is the heaviest sleeper Junhee has ever seen, so it’s surprising when Donghun moves his hand on the bed, clearly searching for Junhee. 

“Bad day?” Donghun asks, his voice throaty and eyes still closed, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.

Junhee reaches for his hand. “I’m okay. I think I will go back to my room so I don’t bother your sleep.”

“Nonsense,” He replies. “Come here.”

Using their linked hands, Donghun pulls Junhee closer to him until their bodies are touching from shoulders to toes. He is so _warm,_ like a furnace and it almost burns, but it also feels nice so Junhee closes his eyes and nuzzles Donghun’s neck. 

* * *

The next morning Junhee awakes from a sleeping that felt more like he had just closed eyes before opening them again. Donghun’s room has thick curtains so Junhee feels disoriented. He’s alone in bed which means it’s probably not as early as he would have imagined because Donghun has classes at 9 am sharp. 

He goes on with his morning routine without looking at the clock since he always feels tired after an insomniac episode to bother to show up to class. There's freshly toasted bread in the kitchen counter and a latte, courtesy of Donghun. He is very sweet, Junhee doesn't know if that's good or bad. Good because it's easy to live with someone that thinks about him and isn't a complete douchebag. Bad because Junhee is already head over heels for him and it would be easier if Donghun was an asshole.

In the end, he drinks his latte and eats his toast and, forcefully, doesn't think about Donghun. Maybe he should call Byeongkwan. He hasn’t seen him in a long time, perhaps that’s the reason why lately Junhee has been having trouble keeping his feelings at bay; he needs to vent to someone. 

Byeongkwan picks up in the third ring.

“Hi, stranger,”

Junhee chuckles. “Busy?”

“When am I ever busy for you?”

“Is Sehyoon home?”

“Hmm, I don't know. What’s up?”

Junhee frowns. “I want to talk about Donghun.”

Byeongkwan laughs. “Of course you do. You know, you could always tell him how you feel–”

“Am I stupid? Am I a complete idiot?” 

“No?”

“Then why would you even say that? There’s no fucking way in hell he will ever hear me saying how I feel.”

“If he knew, you’d have closure,” Byeongkwan says. “Cultivating these feelings and these doubts…” He trails off.

“There’s no doubt I’d be rejected big time.”

“How are you so sure?”

“Because he is straight? Because we are best friends and best friends never work out as boyfriends? The list goes on.”

“You are stupid. I’m coming over, by the way.”

“No, you’re not. I want to be alone.”

Byeongkwan laughs again. “Too late, I’m here. Tell your doorman to let me in!”

Junhee sighs. He pads over to the phone, socked feet sliding over the linoleum floor, so he can allow Byeongkwan’s entrance. In less than five minutes, his friend is knocking on his door. Junhee opens up for him but doesn't wait for him before he comes back to the couch. 

"Bad night?"

"I haven't had a full night of sleep in over four days."

Byeongkwan pouts. "Meds aren't working?"

Junhee clicks his tongue, "They never do."

"You have to get stronger ones, then. That's not healthy." He scoots closer to Junhee on the couch, resting his head on his shoulder. "If I tell Donghun you're not sleeping well, I bet he could make you get new medication."

"You're a monster."

“Get new meds.”

“Jesus, fine, I will.”

Smiling, Byeonkwan says, “Want to watch something?”

He lets him choose the movie.

* * *

Byeongkwan snitches on him a week after their conversation. 

Junhee has no idea of what is expecting him at home thus he takes his time on the Indian restaurant at the end of their street. It’s late afternoon and Donghun should be home already, Junhee makes sure to get the spicy version of the pani puri. He thinks there's beer in the fridge if Donghun didn't drink it all yet.

The doorman smiles at him when he passes by at the entrance and Junhee smiles back. For the first time in days, he had a full night of sleep, it made little difference in the bags under his eyes, but a great difference in his humour. In the elevator, Junhee thinks back at the night before – Donghun had gotten home late at night from a date – Junhee was at his own bed. He didn't expect for Donghun to go there, much less to lie down with him, but he did. In a few minutes, he had Donghun's chest glued to his back and falling asleep felt easier, somehow.

When he opens the door, Donghun is sitting on the couch staring angrily at the TV. 

“Jesus, just change the channel if it’s making you that mad.”

“Why didn’t you tell me your sleeping problems were getting bad again?”

 _Oh._ He walks to the kitchen knowing full well Donghun will follow and places the food on the kitchen counter. “I– it’s not that bad.”

“Byeongkwan said you haven’t slept a whole night in weeks!”

“He’s being dramatic. I slept well yesterday.”

Donghun doesn’t seem convinced. “And before that?”

Junhee bites his lip. “Does it matter? I bought food,”

“Answer the question.”

He sighs, defeatedly. “A week, maybe.”

“A week?! Junhee, that’s not _healthy._ You promised me that you were taking your meds.”

“I am! They are just not working and I’m tired of getting new meds just for them to fail every time.”

“You should be tired of going for a week without proper sleep. Are you skipping classes?”

Junhee denies. “Not if I can help it. I forced myself to go most days.”

“And you did not think I should know?”

“What difference would it make? It’s not like you’d hit me in the head so I could finally blackout.”

Donghun doesn’t laugh.

"It's not a matter of making a difference or not. I'm your best friend, I should know when you're going through a rough patch."

 _Best friend._ Of course. Junhee looks away. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, but I will come with you to your appointment."

“What appointment?” He asks.

“The one you’re going to make right now,” Donghun replies, fetching his own phone and shoving it on Junhee’s chest. “Come on.”

Junhee suppresses a whine but Donghun just arches an eyebrow as if daring Junhee not to do as he says. It’s so _unfair_ because Donghun was not supposed to have so much power over him, they were supposed to be friends _only_. But Junhee is in so deep that there’s little Donghun would ask that he would dare not to do.

He makes the call – silently cursing Byeongkwan even though he knows Byeongkwan had the best intentions – and Donghun stands there listening to his every word. When his doctor asks for how long has his insomnia been giving him a hard time, Junhee considers lying as not to worry Donghun, but lies don’t travel far and Junhee would rather not deal with a hurt Donghun when he could avoid it. 

Junhee’s insomnia isn’t something he grew up with, it’s relatively new – from his first year in college, maybe, but Donghun has always worried about him, ever since Junhee’s brain started lacking chemicals. He used to make him tea – claiming that he read it would help somewhere on the internet – and after that, he tried to stay up with Junhee to make him company. Of course, Junhee didn’t let him do that for more than two days – because Junhee is a little selfish himself, and Donghun is always affectionate when he’s tired – and then, as their last resource, they started to sleep together. 

His doctor criticizes him when he answers and Junhee knows he should reach out for help instead of accepting his reality. They schedule an appointment for Thursday, after lunch. When Junhee hangs up, he offers Donghun’s phone back, “You heard it. Thursday.”

Donghun nods. “Good, we can have lunch together before heading to the doctor. I just have to cancel a thing." He says, but the last part is barely audible.

“What?” Junhee asks. “What are you cancelling? You don’t have to cancel anything. I can go alone.”

“Nonsense,” Donghun replies. “It’s just a dumb date. I didn’t– I didn’t even want to go.”

“Then why were you going?”

Donghun shrugs. “Let’s eat.”

 _Now you want to eat,_ Junhee thinks. He follows Donghun into the living room again and decides to put some space between them when they sit. A little space might be good. They eat in silence, TV just the background noise for them. Donghun finishes first, but he waits until Junhee is done to take their empty takeout boxes to the kitchen. When he comes back, he sits closer to Junhee and rests his hand on Junhee’s knee. “You’re too far away,” He whines. 

“It’s called personal space.”

“No, it’s called Junhee being annoying,” Donghun leans his head on Junhee’s shoulder, then. “Thanks for calling the doctor.”

Junhee sighs. “Thanks for worrying, I guess. It’s a good thing I called anyway, I miss sleeping.”

Donghun bites his shoulder, it’s not a light bite, it’s a strong one, one that’s going to mark Junhee’s skin with a print of Donghun’s perfectly aligned teeth, but Junhee likes it – has always liked it, so he giggles and lets Donghun place a kiss on the same spot just after. 

They watch two movies and a few episodes of a criminal show. When night comes, they make grilled cheese and Junhee chooses to study while Donghun brings his keyboard into the living room so he can play a little. It never bothers him when Donghun plays, in fact, it's one of his favourite things.

Donghun is the first one to go to bed.

"No sleepy?"

Junhee laughs. "No, but go on, you are clearly about to pass out."

Donghun sighs. "Come to bed quickly, okay?"

Swallowing with some difficulty, he nods.

Junhee finishes his readings and turns on the TV again even if he already knows nothing will stir any interest in him. 

Being awake when the city is asleep isn't even the worst thing, but at some point in the night, there's nothing you can really do besides staring at the ceiling. That's the worst, Junhee thinks, the monotony. 

He gets up into a sitting position and rushes over to Donghun's keyboard. When he was a kid, his mother insisted that he had to learn how to work a piano, for some reason, she believed he would need those skills in the future. Junhee liked his piano teacher, but he was completely shit at it, so much that he’d rather play outside with his neighbours, so he convinced his mom to give up the idea after a year.

Nonetheless, learning how to play the piano is like learning how to ride a bike: you never really forget it. 

A keyboard isn't a piano – Donghun could afford an actual piano if he wanted to, but the space in their shared flat is insufficient for an instrument so big –, but Junhee presses his finger on a key just to do something, just to feel like he's awake because he wants to. He's not trying to play a song, he doubts he would even remember any song right now, as tired as he is, but he likes the sounds that come out of each key. 

Junhee thinks he should try to be more musically invested again, maybe it would do him some good, even if he's not good at it. He could be good if he tried again. Besides, music therapy is a thing in a lot of places, maybe he should search around. Focused as he is in the keyboard, Junhee doesn't see Donghun approaching him until he touches his shoulder.

"Oh, god, you scared me," He cries out. "Don't do that."

"Sorry," Donghun replies. "Scoot over, let me sit."

"Did I wake you?" Junhee questions.

"No, I couldn't sleep," He says, resting his cheek on Junhee's shoulder. "Maybe insomnia is a contagious thing."

"Maybe it's too much nicotine in your bloodstream," Junhee complains. "Why do you even smoke that shit? They taste bad."

"They don't, they taste like peppermint. I tried strawberry too but the smell gave me a headache. Blueberry is nice, but a little too expensive for my taste."

Junhee pouts. "You should quit smoking," He says. That's a thing he has always wanted to say. The smell of nicotine doesn't bother him but knowing it's bad for Donghun's health upsets him a lot.

"It's bad for your health." He continues.

"So is weed and alcohol and fast food." Donghun shrugs.

"But you don't drink or get high every day." Junhee shots back. 

"Nor do I smoke every day."

"Okay, let's make a deal."

Donghun hums, "What?"

"Tell me something you want me to do and I will do it if you quit smoking in return."

"Let me think," Donghun says. Meanwhile, Junhee focuses back on the keyboard. When he presses a key, Donghun's hand covers his. "This."

"What?"

"You like playing, don't you? You should try again. You're older now, you'd work it out."

Junhee hates that his heart skips a beat from listening to this. It's a nice feeling to know Donghun pays attention to the little things he does, things he likes. That Donghun remembers the stuff about his childhood that he told him over lunch years ago.

That Donghun would care enough to support Junhee on it. 

"Deal," Junhee says. "I was thinking of it anyway."

"Me too," Donghun whispers. "I was gonna quit anyway."

"Good," He nods. "I'm proud of you."

"You are so cute," Donghun teases. "Worried about me."

"Just like you worry about me." He teases back.

"Yeah," Donghun says. He plants a kiss on Junhee's neck. "You're right."

* * *

Junhee pretends nothing is happening for as long as he can, but then it’s Thursday and Donghun is waiting for him just outside his classroom at half-past ten in the morning. “Are you scared I’m going to run away?” He jokes.

“Weren’t you planning to?”

Junhee smirks. “Maybe.”

“You slept well last night, right?”

“Mmm,” Junhee hums. 

“You look nice– I mean you always look nice, but the bags– the bags under your eyes are less noticeable.”

Junhee brings his hands to his face. “Oh,” He murmurs. “That’s good.”

They grab a BigMac on their way to the doctor’s office. Donghun takes it up himself to fill the silence with his silly jokes about his music class and Junhee feels his heart swelling – he loves when Donghun gets excited about the stuff he likes, his beautiful eyes shine even brighter, if that was possible. Mr Kim – Junhee’s doctor – isn’t there when they get to the office, but his secretary buzzes them in. They sit on the floor near the big window to eat, Donghun makes sure to keep their bodies touching at all times.

Junhee likes when Donghun acts touchy, it makes him feel like – like they are together. It’s a dangerous thought, but one Junhee loves to entertain. 

If things were different, if Donghun was into him, Junhee thinks they’d never get tired of touching each other. Donghun already is very into touching him. Cuddling when they sleep, biting him when he feels like he should mark Junhee’s skin, holding his hand when they are grocery shopping – all of this, of course, in a platonic way. But sometimes, Junhee will look at him and, maybe it’s wishful thinking, but he thinks– he thinks he could lean in closer until their noses touch and he thinks Donghun wouldn’t back away. 

“Are you listening?”

Junhee looks at him. “No, sorry. What was it?”

“I said there’s a party tomorrow, music kids and theatre kids joining forces. We should go.”

“I don’t know,” He starts, but then the door opens to reveal Mr Kim and Junhee scrambles to his feet. Donghun, too, albeit a little slower. They greet the doctor at the same time, and Donghun squeezes Junhee’s hand before Junhee enters the private room for his consult.

He still can’t believe Donghun cancelled a date just to come here with him, but there’s something inside him that basks in the thought that Donghun considers him more important than whoever that was. 

Junhee has been here before and he can’t stop himself from answering most questions in a robot manner, that is, until Mr Kim says, “Have you had any feelings lately that might be causing you to feel anxious or stressed?”

”Feelings?” Junhee questions.

Mr Kim nods. “Worries? Unresolved discussions? Doubts?”

Junhee gulps. “Like, could romantic feelings be one of these– these feelings?

“If it’s making you agitated, then yes. Any source of anxiety can make your brain trigger an insomniac episode. Is it romantic feelings, then? Maybe a fight with your significant other?”

Junhee chuckles. “There’s no significant other, but I– I kinda wish there was.”

His doctor hums. He scribbles down on his journal. “That could be making you feel tired or even sad, all these strong feelings might be the reason why you’ve been going through a rough week again. How long since it was this bad?”

“Very long,” Junhee nods. “I guess it makes sense. Just recently I… confronted my own feelings.” 

Dr Kim hums again. Junhee lets his mind wander back to the day he finally realised his feelings for Donghun had gone from innocent attraction to a burning desire to be _his_. They were getting ready to bed and Donghun had his back to him. Junhee was tired from pulling an all nighter – on purpose – and he just– he just leaned in and hugged Donghun from behind, burying his nose into the middle of Donghun’s spine. He inhaled his scent – nicotine, soap – and whined. Donghun laughed and turned around, hugging him back properly and at that moment all Junhee could think about was turning his head up just a fraction – just a tiny bit and kissing him. 

“I will give you some stronger meds. These are just for really bad days, Junhee-ssi.”

He nods, absent-minded. 

When he leaves the office – an hour later – with Donghun in tow, Junhee thinks back to when Byeongkwan said he should confess. He _should_ confess. He needed closure. It’s easier to nurse a broken heart back together when it has been thoroughly broken. 

“So?” Donghun bumps his shoulder into Junhee. “How was it?”

“I got stronger meds for really bad days,” He replies, refusing to look at Donghun.

“Will they work?”

“We will have to wait and see.”

Donghun nods. They walk to the subway station in silence. At the station, Donghun’s hand close around Junhee’s wrist. “Hey, are you okay?”

Junhee shakes his head. “Yes, I’m just a little worn out because of the therapy thing.”

That wasn’t a lie. The appointment had been _tiring_ to say the least. Junhee forces himself to look at Donghun’s face and he sends him warm smile, trying to convince Donghun that everything is fine. 

Donghun is so fucking beautiful. Looking at him had been a mistake, so Junhee quickly looks away again. 

“About the party I told you about, will you go with me?”

Junhee trips on his own feet. “Come again?”

“It’s been a while since we hung out together. It won’t be a big party, just a gathering. Lots of beer.”

He’s got two options. 

A) he says no and stays home wondering what – or who – Donghun is doing at the party. 

B) he says yes and maybe they could have fun together. Real fun.

It would be easier to answer if Junhee didn't know how clingy and touchy Donghun is when he’s drunk. If he didn’t want to be the one Donghun clings to. 

“Fine,” Junhee says. “Why not?”

His brain screams at him a million reasons why not, but Junhee ignores all of them. It’s easier to shut his brain out when Donghun interlaces their fingers. 

* * *

The party isn’t just a gathering of friends, like Donghun said, unless the host is friends with half the campus. But Junhee knows most of the people here, he notices, which is reassuring to say the least. He’s feeling okay with three peaceful sleeping nights under his belt, so he is excited for the drinking he will probably do. Borderline excessive drinking, but it’s okay. He hasn’t taken any pills, yet, sleeping on his own. 

He follows behind Donghun, hands together. It’s come to Junhee’s attention that Donghun just takes his hand whenever he feels like it now. It’s _weird_ , but a good weird. Even if it feeds Junhee’s possessive little monster, it’s good and he won’t ask – he won’t acknowledge, afraid Donghun will stop doing so.

They greet some friends in common and it’s funny for the first ten minutes, then a girl from Donghun’s class plasters herself to his side. It’s fine, though, until she starts to monopolise Donghun’s attention – or tries to. He rolls his eyes at Donghun and receives a tight smile in return. Junhee excuses himself to get some beer. It’s likely that Byeongkwan is in here somewhere, too, so Junhee ventures himself into the crowd to search for him after sending him a quick text. He doesn’t think Donghun will mind.

Coming to a party together is different from coming to a party _together_ and they have definitely not come together _like that._ Byeongkwan answers his text a few minutes later saying he’s on the second floor getting high. 

Junhee shrugs to his phone before turning on his heels to search for the staircase. 

It’s a room with no furniture besides a huge carpet in the middle of the space, the carpet seems fluffy enough that no one felt uncomfortable sitting on it, or it's just that everyone is already too high to care about carpet burns. He scans the room searching for Byeongkwan and finds him nestled between Sehyoon and a boy Junhee doesn't know. 

Byeongkwan grins at him when he comes closer. "Sehyoon won't let you punch me."

Sehyoon shakes his head. "Depends on what you did. What did he do, Jun?"

Junhee opens a space between Sehyoon and Byeongkwan with his elbows. After sitting, he rests his head on Sehyoon's shoulder. "It's fine. He didn't do anything wrong."

Sehyoon smiles. "Okay," The boy next to him offers him the joint and Sehyoon's focus changes quickly. 

Byeongkwan kicks Junhee's leg lightly. "Not mad, then?"

Junhee shakes his head. "I got new meds, mum."

"Good," He replies. "It's so weird that Donghun hasn't figured you out yet. You're so obvious."

"Shut up," Junhee whines. "I'm not," He takes the joint when Sehyoon is done. It's been a while since he smoked, so he's careful. 

"Yes, you are. You do anything he asks."

"That's because he asks sensible stuff."

“So if he asked you to drop out and run away with him to get married in Vegas, you wouldn’t go?”

Junhee passes him the blunt. “I mean–” 

“You’re so obvious! Maybe he’s just dumb,” Byeongkwan says after letting out a puff of smoke. “Maybe he’s really stupid.”

“Shut up. It took Sehyoon months to realise you were into him.”

“Sehyoon’s brain works differently!”

“Donghun’s does too!”

Byeongkwan narrows his eyes at him. “All I’m saying is, there’s no way he’s _straight_ as you say he is when he acts just as infuriating as you do when it comes to you.”

“He’s–” Junhee’s mouth feels dry. “He’s probably making out with a girl as we speak.”

“Okay, and?”

“That’s what straight guys do. They kiss girls.”

“That’s what _bisexual_ guys do too.”

“If he’s bisexual how come I have never seen him with a boy in the four years I know him?”

“Ask him.”

“What?”

“Ask him if he’s bi.”

Junhee scoffs, grabbing the joint back from Byeongkwan’s hand. “No?”

“Why?”

Junhee takes a hit, longer than his first one. “Because I’m scared.” Byeongkwan tries to take the joint from Junhee’s fingers but he bats his hand away. “I’m scared of knowing all these answers for sure.”

“They won’t be as bad as you think they will.”

“How can you know?”

“How can _you_ know?”

They smoke in silence after this. Junhee likes getting high – he likes to feel his limbs heavy and slow, like he’s dreaming. He could listen to every person in the room, their voices too loud, but he could not understand what they were saying. At some point, he let his head fall to Sehyoon’s shoulder again and closes his eyes. The voices around him get louder by the second and he still can’t turn any of them into meaningful human conversations. 

Until he hears Donghun’s voice. 

He thinks of opening his eyes, but being in the dark is funnier. Junhee thinks Donghun must have walked up to them because his voice sounds closer and he hears Byeongkwan's giggles while they talk. 

“Hey,” Donghun says, even closer. Junhee still doesn’t open his eyes. “Byeongkwan says you’re hogging his boyfriend.”

Junhee frowns. “Am I?”

Sehyoon shakes with laughter. “Kinda.”

Opening his eyes, Junhee notices Donghun is way closer than his initial thought. Like, very close. His thighs are almost touching Junhee’s knees. “You’re–” But he doesn't finish, instead he reaches for Donghun’s face, rubbing his thumb on Donghun’s cheekbone. 

“You’re high as fuck,” He giggles.

“You’re drunk.” Junhee replies.

“Maybe.”

Junhee’s hands come alive on their own, now tangling themselves on Donghun’s hair. He pushes his bangs off his forehead. “You know, Donghun, you’d look fucking insane with an eyebrow piercing.”

“What?”

“Yes,” Junhee presses his index finger on his eyebrow. “Right here.”

“You should get one, too, if I’m doing it.”

“Me?” He shakes his head. “No.”

“Yes,” Donghun insists. “Right here,” He presses his finger on the middle of Junhee’s bottom lip. “Or here,” He continues, bopping Junhee’s nose.

Junhee thinks about it. “Here, then,” He says, touching his nose.

“Deal.”

“Let’s go.” 

Donghun gets up and offers a hand for Junhee. It shouldn’t be too late, he thinks, that they couldn't find a place to get their piercings. He wants it, now. He really wants it. They don’t say goodbye before leaving. The weather is nice, comfortably cold against Junhee’s heated skin.

“We are gonna look so cool,” Donghun says. “Can you see it?”

Junhee nods. “I see it.”

They get an Uber to the downtown area. It kinda looks lame: empty and silent. There are a few places open, still, so Junhee thinks their plan is safe. Donghun has been holding his hand for ten minutes now ever since they left the car, but Junhee isn’t complaining – even if their hands are getting sticky. It’s a best friends thing, Junhee’s brain provides. He nods to himself. 

“Shouldn’t we be sober for this?”

Donghun cocks his head. “Eh,” He shrugs. “I can pretend I’m sober. I’m a good actor.”

Junhee scoffs. “Right,” He looks to his side, across the road, and sees a tattoo parlor with its lights on. “There!”

They run with their hands still clasped together. Donghun trips on his feet a few times, almost talking Junhee with him, but they laugh it off. The tattoo parlor seems nice, clean. The walls are plastered with a lot of pictures. Curious, Junhee lets go of Donghun’s hand to look at them closely, but Donghun is busy with the boy behind the counter so he pays it no mind.

“We want to get pierced,” He is saying, but Junhee is focused on the pictures. One in particular. He knows Donghun said he should get a lip piercing or a nose ring, but he thinks, as he stares at the picture, that this might be a better idea.

It’s something Sober Junhee would never do, but Junhee isn’t Sober Junhee now and the decisions he will make tonight are something Sober Junhee will have to deal with when morning comes, not him. 

He nods to himself once again before walking back to Donghun. 

“Hey there,” Donghun greets. “He said we can get pierced at the same time but in different rooms, is that fine? I think it’s a cool idea. We won’t see each other until we are done.”

 _Perfect. “_ Yeah, fine for me.”

Donghun offers his card to the boy with the blood red hair and Junhee doesn’t have it in him to stop Donghun for paying for everything himself. The boy leaves to talk to the– the– the people who will stab Junhee very soon. His brain gets so foggy as he tries to remember what they are called.

The red haired boy comes back a few minutes later to take them to the back of the place, a narrow corridor that gives away to three doors. “You, in the first one.” He points to Junhee. “You, there” He points the third door to Donghun. “Bathroom is in the middle in case you want to see yourself in the mirror after. You can go in now, they are already waiting.”

Then he leaves.

“Meet me in the bathroom?” Donghun asks. 

“Yeah,” He giggles. “Can’t believe we’re doing this.”

Donghun smiles at him. “Ready?” 

“Okay.”

Room number one looks too bright, it almost hurts to open his eyes completely. The corridor was so dim in comparison. Junhee looks around until his eyes fall to the man sitting in a tool next to the chair he’s going to be sitting on.

“Hey,” The man greets. “First time?”

Junhee nods. “Kind of, I got my ears pierced when I was a baby.”

Nodding, the man pets the chair. “Come on, then. Where are you planning to get it?”

Junhee smiles. 

Twenty five minutes later Junhee is thanking the man who just made him cry. The pain wasn’t _unbearable_ but Junhee’s eyes watered nonetheless. He puts his shirt back and leaves the room behind, closing the door on his way out. He figures Donghun might be in the bathroom already and is proven right as soon as he gets there. 

Donghun is propped up in the sink, body turned slightly so he can stare into the mirror. 

“Hi,” Junhee says. “Let me see you.”

Turning to him, Donghun frowns. “Hey, you didn’t get one? That’s not cool, Junhee.”

Donghun looks absolutely, devastatingly, almost offensively hot. The buds adorning his eyebrow makes him look older, somehow. Gives him an edge, something more to a face already strikingly beautiful. Junhee wants to touch – to lick it.

“I got a piercing.”

Donghun’s frown deepens. “Where?”

Junhee takes off his shirt. “Nipple piercings. Both nipples, mind you.” He says, proudly.

“Oh,” Donghun says. 

Nothing more. Just an “ _oh_ ”, like Junhee should _guess_ what it meant. Does it look bad? Should he stick to the nose ring idea?

“Don’t you like it?” He asks, looking down. It looks nice to him. 

“I–” Donghun starts walking in Junhee’s direction. “You– oh my God.”

“What? What? Is it that bad?”

Donghun shakes his head. He lifts his hand, like– like he wants to touch. _Oh my god._

“Can I?”

Junhee, unfortunately, has to shake his head. "Not– not yet.”

Donghun’s hand falls to Junhee’s waist. He squeezes it before opening his mouth, “You look obscene.”

“That’s good?” He laughs nervously. 

“Yeah,” Donghun agrees. He squeezes his waist again. “It’s good, yes.”

“You look amazing,” Junhee says. “I knew you’d look good, but you look even better than what I imagined.”

“We should celebrate, right?”

Junhee nods. “What do you have in mind?”

They end up at an Ice Cream shop. It’s half past ten and the girl on shift looks tired. He’s kind of sorry that they are keeping her there for a little longer, but Donghun was adamant on getting ice cream – even if they shouldn't, not that soon. Junhee feels himself getting less stoned, little by little, but he’s far from being sober. That’s why he doesn’t think of a proper lie for when Donghun, mouth full of chocomint ice cream, says:

“You never told me how your appointment went.”

“Mmmm,” Junhee says. “My doctor said my _feelings_ are making me anxious.”

“Feelings?”

“Yes."

Donghun pouts. “What feelings?”

Junhee presses his lips together. “Romantic feelings,” He whispers. 

“You have feelings for someone?” Donghun asks. “Who is it? Do I know him?”

That’s when Junhee’s brain comes to life again, fighting the weed induced fogginess inside his head to keep himself from blurting out the truth. 

“No,” He says, but it’s too quick and doesn’t sound convincing at all. He doubts Donghun will even remember this tomorrow, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. “I mean, maybe? Yes. Okay. Yes, you do.”

“Then who is it?” He crosses his arms. 

“I don’t– I don’t think I should tell."

“I’m your best friend, you can’t hide things from me.”

There he fucking _goes,_ reminding Junhee time and time again that no matter how many times Junhee tries to escape the title, it will follow him. _Best friend._ There’s all there is to them. Friendship. Nothing more.

“I can’t _not_ hide this from you, either. It’s complicated, trust me.”

Donghun hates it. Junhee can see it in the way he burrows his eyebrows – the piercing looks so good – and pouts. Arms still crossed, ice cream long forgotten.

“If he’s making you anxious, then he’s a dick. I don’t like him already.”

Junhee laughs. “Shut up.” He finishes his ice cream quickly. “Take me home. I’m getting too sleepy.”

“Next time invite me, by the way.” He says. “To the weed club.”

“Fine, fine, I will.”

* * *

When morning comes, Junhee groans. He is awake, but his eyelids are too heavy for him to open his eyes. There are some efforts that just aren't worth it. He's lying on a bed with no sheets. He must have shifted too much throughout the night. 

"Mmmm," Someone groans next to him. Not _someone_ , it's Donghun. He smells strongly of alcohol. Junhee reckons he's not that different, he still tastes stale weed in his tongue. "Coffee," Donghun says.

Junhee chuckles. "I won't ever in my life get up from here."

"Please?" Donghun says, he feels Donghun scooting closer on the bed, throwing a leg on top of him. "Please, your coffee tastes infinitely better."

Junhee whines. "I'm so tired, though."

"What do you want in return?" Donghun asks, mouth so extremely close to Junhee's ear that he feels the warmth of his breath against his earlobe. "Anything."

Junhee freezes. In his current state of mind – hazy, corrupted – he wants to ask for something he shouldn't, something he might regret. He licks his lips. He wants– he wants to ask for a kiss, an unhurried, toe-curling, deep kiss. A kiss that will make him feel dizzy and hyper-aware of the boy next to him. He wants to roll on the bed until he's on top of Donghun and tangle his fingers in his silky hair, feel his sweaty skin under him. 

He managed not to _want_ Donghun for so long. He kept his desire burning lightly, but controlled. It's so hard now to even hear his voice, to even look at him. 

Junhee wants, he wants too much, too intensely. 

"I have something in mind," He says. 

Donghun hums, encouraging him to talk.

He turns on his side, face _so, so_ close to Donghun that he expected Donghun to move away, at least an inch. But he doesn't. They are close enough to their noses to bump into each other.

"I think– I think I'd like–" 

A loud buzz echoes in the apartment making both of them jump at the sudden noise. 

"Oh, shit."

Donghun gets up quickly, feet getting stuck in the bedsheet curled up at the end of the bed. 

"Who's that?"

"Yuchan," Donghun replies. He reaches for a shirt on the floor. Junhee's shirt.

"Who's Yuchan?"

"A freshman I'm paired up for my music class." Donghun looks at him. His hair is absurdly dishevelled and it's way too long, falling on his forehead almost reaching his eyes. "I'm giving him vocal lessons, we had to skip a day for him to get his braces off and I said he could come over today so we could catch up. I'm sorry, I should've said something."

Junhee nods. "Oh, it's okay. Go on, I will make coffee."

"Tell me what you had in mind later!" He says before running through the door.

Junhee sits up. Without Donghun's warmth next to him the room feels cold. He brings his hands up to his chest and _oh–_ holy shit. Slowly he starts to remember the piercing mission he went on with Donghun the night before. Intoxicated as them both were it's a miracle they convinced someone to pierce them. He remembers why he took off his shirt before falling onto the bed. His nipples felt too raw against the fabric and Donghun had shrugged and said " _t_ _ake it off"_ like it was that simple. 

Apparently for High Junhee it _was_ that simple. 

He only leaves for the kitchen after a very needed – cold – shower. Donghun’s friend, Yuchan, is sitting on the floor near the coffee table and Donghun is on the couch, they are speaking quietly and Junhee doesn’t want to pry, so he slips into the kitchen silently. He feels his nipples brushing against his cotton shirt and it kind of stings – but it’s also a new, interesting feeling. Donghun had asked him if he could touch them. Did he ask because he was drunk? Just curious? Or– or because he wanted to– to touch and watch Junhee fidgeting beneath his fingers?

His hands are getting sticky just from thinking about it, the spoon he’s using to pour the sugar trembles a little. 

When breakfast is ready, he pulls his hair back and breathes out. Looking at Donghun’s side profile from the kitchen just reminds him from when he was about to ask for a kiss. Suddenly, out of absolutely nowhere, five minutes after waking up – for coffee. He was about to make a fool of himself for a cup of coffee. 

“Breakfast’s ready,” He calls, unable to walk away from behind the kitchen counter. Right now this counter is his best friend, the freshman who knocked on their door is also his best friend for interrupting them in the perfect moment. 

He turns his back to the living room and takes a very long sip from his coffee, the footsteps get closer and then Donghun says, “Yuchan, this is Junhee. He’s my roomie. Jun, this is my protege.”

Junhee turns to look at them on time to see as Donghun ruffles Yuchan’s hair. 

“Hi, Junhee-ssi.”

“Just Junhee is okay,” He tells. “Donghun said he’s giving you vocal lessons?”

Donghun has a beautiful voice. It was the first thing he noticed about him – the second was how round and plushy his ass is – when they met. He loves his voice, either speaking or singing, he just loves to _hear_ Donghun.

“Yeah, hyung is the best vocalist in our class. I was lucky to be assigned to him for this project.”

“You’re good, too.” Donghun replies. “We are going to put out a great performance.”

Small talk isn’t Junhee’s forte, so he finishes his coffee and comes up with a generic excuse to lock himself in his own room. He focuses on finishing an essay he doesn’t need to worry about for at least the next week and then he spends the rest of the afternoon playing online games. He hears the voices coming from the living room and it’s nice, almost enough to lull him to sleep. _Almost_.

It’s early evening when Donghun knocks on his door. Junhee hadn’t noticed how fast time went by. 

“Come in,” He says, stretching himself on the bed. “Finished your tutoring?” He asks when Donghun props his shoulder against the door frame.

“Yes, Yuchan just left. He’s really good at singing,” He replies. “Do you want to go out?”

“Two nights in a row? Sounds extreme even to you.”

Donghun pouts. “Okay. Then what do you want to do?" 

_You,_ Junhee says inside his head. On the outside he doesn't have the courage. "We can order takeout." 

"We could get high." Donghun bites back. 

Junhee giggles. "Again, two nights in a row?" 

"That's not fair, though. I didn't get high yesterday."

"Right. You were busy."

Donghun arches an eyebrow. "I was not."

"Come on, that blondie was all over you."

"But I wasn't interested."

Scoffing, Junhee says "Yeah, right."

"Why do you always think I'm into every girl who crosses my way?"

"I didn't say that. You just looked happy she was– stroking your biceps like she wanted to be stroking something else."

"I was happy because _you_ were there with me and I miss hanging out with you, but _of course_ you'd rather be with Byeongkwan or whatever."

"Are you serious?" Junhee asks. "You know he has a boyfriend."

"That's what's stopping you, right? Is he the guy you have feelings for? Is that why you didn't want to tell me who it is?"

Junhee sits up on the bed. "No, what the fuck? I can’t believe you are implying I would be into a _taken_ man. I know Sehyoon. They are my friends, Donghun, what the fuck?”

Donghun seems to regret it as soon as Junhee starts to react, he _sees it,_ the way Donghun is already beating himself up for saying that, but Junhee is _so_ tired of this, of accepting his mixed signals without asking, without fighting back. 

He continues, “I can’t believe you said that. Is that you think about me? That I would just want to fuck someone who’s clearly in a relationship with one of my closest friends? Is that because I’m gay and you think we are all _dirty_ and _promiscuous?”_

“No, Junhee, you know it’s not like that. I don’t know why I said it, I just don’t like that you’re hiding things from me.”

“Newsflash, asshole, but I don’t _need_ to tell you every single thing. I’m allowed to keep some stuff to myself.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Donghun says. And Junhee _knows_ he’s sorry, he _knows_ Donghun isn't an asshole, he does know. But he’s so _angry._ Right now even looking at Donghun is making him mad. 

“I think you should go to your room.”

“Jun–” 

“Please, Donghun, just fucking leave.”

He doesn’t even shut the door with a loud bang, like Junhee would do. Donghun closes it softly, as if he doesn’t want to disturb. When he’s gone, Junhee flops onto the bed – all anger gone from him, dissipating into thin air as he breathes out. He might have overreacted, but listening to those words – _that’s what’s stopping you? –_ like he’s not irrevocably in love with him, like Donghun could ever _doubt_ that. 

But Donghun doesn’t know.

He has no idea of why Junhee would explode at a simple misunderstanding. Junhee doesn't know why he did, either. And Junhee feels like a coward, as he should feel, because if he could just say it aloud, just come clean about how he feels – who he really loves. Everything would be easier. 

Junhee lays on his bed with eyes wide open until morning comes. 

* * *

Junhee isn’t avoiding Donghun, he’s just purposely staying out of Donghun’s way. It’s been almost a week since they last spoke to each other because Junhee isn’t avoiding Donghun, but if he was, he’d be doing a great job. He’s embarrassed, his brain keeps recalling his reaction, how he accused Donghun of being a complete piece of shit. 

He knows Donghun would forgive him, just as he has forgiven Donghun for saying what he said, but he isn’t ready to confront him yet. That’s why it’s been almost a week and Junhee is waiting for Donghun to leave before he dares to get out of his room. It’s the first time in months that he spends that much time on his own bed. 

The pills are good, they work and it’s good because Junhee doesn’t know how he would keep going without Donghun and without sleeping. 

On Wednesday, Junhee is finishing his readings for his Gender and Sexuality class. Donghun is in his own room rehearsing for his final project with Yuchan. It’s like Yuchan lives with them now, but he’s so cute and for the past few days his presence has been revigorating, otherwise Junhee feels like they’d drown in silence. He hears the keyboard and Donghun's voice from time to time, but Donghun keeps stopping in the middle of the song as if he's scared Junhee will knock on his door to tell them to quiet down. 

He lets out a deep sigh. He knows they aren't on speaking terms, but being in the same house without talking, studying in different places, that just makes it seem very, very real and Junhee hates it. 

This sucks. He hates that nearly a week ago they were giggling against each other on the bed, sleeping side by side. Going out for lunch together, holding hands. Getting _pierced_ together, for God’s sake. 

Junhee is in deep thoughts so he doesn’t hear it, he isn’t ready for when Yuchan opens his bedroom door without knocking. Startled, he can barely say anything before he starts talking, “Hyung! Hi!”

“Yuchan,” Junhee says. “You surprised me.”

“Sorry, I’m leaving in a few minutes, my Uber is seven minutes away” He giggles. “I came by just to invite you _personally_ to come watch our performance at the campus’ auditorium. I have been preparing very hard and– well, you know, I’m here almost every day and you must be sick–”

“Nonsense,” He interrupts. “I love hearing your voice when I get home from class.”

Yuchan beams at him. “So you will come, right?”

“I– I don’t know, I have so much work to do…”

“Hyung,” Yuchan says. He steps into the room, closing the door behind him. “Donghun hyung really needs you there. I don’t know what happened, but he’s very sad lately. I think having you there tomorrow is going to make him feel better.”

 _He’s sad because of me._ _I did this to him._ He can’t say that to Yuchan, though. He also doesn’t think Donghun would actually want him there after Junhee avoided him for days. _Yes_ , he’s been avoiding him. 

“What time?” He says, finally.

Yuchan jumps at the bed, hugging him with a lot of strength for a boy so thin. “Thank you, hyung!”

* * *

The campus’ auditorium is _huge,_ so huge that Junhee is surprised to see that almost all the seats are taken. Yuchan had sent him a message in the morning, telling him he reserved the “best seat” for him so he didn’t have to worry. As he walks to his seat, he feels nervous. He didn’t sleep at all last night and his insomnia had nothing to do with it. It’s nerve wracking to be here to see Donghun and not know if Donghun even wanted him here, to begin with. 

He came in a little late, spent too much time walking in circles at home contemplating if he should come or not, but it didn’t feel right not to come, he needed to support his best friend. Junhee has forgotten that, above anything else, Donghun is his best friend. 

The first few performances are well put together, the singers are good which Junhee kind of expected, because their college is known for that, but he would be lying if he said that he really paid attention to any of them. All he could think about was Donghun’s performance. If he would sing a song Junhee knows or something different. He knows how hard both him and Yuchan prepared for tonight’s performance and he hopes they will do good. 

In the first break, Junhee’s phone buzzes in his hands. It’s Yuchan.

_Hyung come backstage wish me luck plz._

He stares at the message for far too long before forcing himself to get up. There’s no sign of Yuchan or Donghun when Junhee gets there, he even looks around like an idiot. 

He probably went the wrong way. It’s hard to understand Yuchan’s texts. He’s about to leave when someone comes in, almost bumping on him. The man is holding a bunch of papers, his glasses sliding down his nose as he squints to read what he’s holding. He doesn’t look up, instead just passing through Junhee like he’s not even there. 

“Hello?”

The man looks up. “Hi! Oh, I didn’t think I’d see anyone here now. I’m sorry, I’m Kim Minseok.” He offers a hand which Junhee takes quickly. “Are you searching for someone?”

Junhee nods. “Yes,” He cleans his throat. “My friends are going to perform in a few minutes, one of them told me to come here before their stage… I think I’m lost.”

“No, you are in the right place. It’s just that the duos are next door doing breathing exercises. For their anxiety.” 

That would explain why the room is empty. “Oh, that makes sense, I guess.”

Minseok laughs. “You didn’t tell me your name.”

“Junhee,” He replies. “Sorry, I’m bad at these things.”

“Bad at what? Introducing yourself?” Minseok laughs again. His cat-like eyes are so pretty, even behind the glasses. “I’m kinda bad, too. I do make an effort for the cute ones, though.”

Junhee chokes on his spit. “I meant– talking to strangers. I’m bad at talking to strangers.” He feels his whole face warming up at being called cute by a man who looks like he just came out of a comic book or something. 

“It’s okay,” Minseok says. “You can wait for your friends here. They shouldn’t take too long.”

Junhee smiles at him. “Thanks.”

They fall into silence.

“So, what do you do around here?” He asks, feeling awkward to the brim. Minseok looks up at him– it’s so intimidating. “You look too mature to be a student." 

“Mature,” Minseok repeats. “You mean old.”

“No, sorry, I’m–”

“Bad at these things. I know.” 

Chuckling, Junhee agrees. 

“I’m the Music teacher.” Minseok replies. Junhee has to hold back from letting out an embarrassingly loud whine. “And you?”

“Oh, god. You are a _teacher._ I’ve been referring to you as “Minseok” in my head this whole time!”

“It’s fine,” He reassures. “You can call me Minseok.”

“No, I can’t– I’m a student here. I study. Here.”

Minseok straightens his posture. “Oh,” He says. “That’s– that was really unprofessional of me, Junhee-ssi, I’m extremely sorry. I thought you were just a friend of one of my students. I should’ve checked before I said… that.”

“Oh, god," Junhee says. At this point he’s just repeating himself. His face is completely red, he’s sure. “I should’ve been more clear when you asked what I was doing here. I sounded like a visitor. I’m sorry, Minseok-ssi.”

Minseok presses his lips together. “Well, this is awkward,” He lets out a little laugh. “I can’t look at your face now. It’s a good face, don’t worry. I’m so embarrassed.”

Objectively speaking, Minseok is the most beautiful man he’s ever seen in his life. Idol-level of prettiness. That doesn’t mean anything, though, because, well, even if Minseok thinks he’s cute, it's not like Junhee could flirt back. Not when he’s in love with someone else. He wishes he could, though, because this thing with Donghun is killing him.

Also, Minseok’s a teacher. Granted, not _his_ teacher or even a teacher at Junhee’s department. They would probably never meet if not for Junhee being here right now for Donghun and Yuchan. 

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Junhee chooses to say. “I think you’re extremely good looking. With all due respect, sir.”

“Nooooo,” Minseok whines. “Don’t _sir_ me. I hate it, I don’t let my students call me sir. You don’t have to. Let’s start again, okay? Hi, I’m Kim Minseok, the music teacher.” He offers his hand again. 

Junhee reaches for his hand, holding it delicately. Hi, I’m Junhee. A student. Here.”

“God, you really are awkward, aren’t you? That wasn’t you just being cute.” He winces. “I did it again. I’m sorry.”

They are still holding hands. Minseok is _blushing_. Junhee giggles. “I’m very awkward, my best friend says–”

“Junhee?” 

Speaking of the devil. It’s the first time he hears his name coming out of Donghun’s mouth in _days_. His whole body reacts to that, to a single word. 

“Donghun,” He says. “I was– I was looking for you. And Yuchan.”

“Chan is at the bathroom. This is his first time, he’s…” He trails off, eyes falling down to where Junhee’s hand is still holding Minseok’s. “Nervous.”

Junhee lets go of Minseok’s hand. “He must be excited, too.” He offers.

Donghun only nods.

“Well!” Minseok says. “I have to go, I need to grade the performers. I’m excited to watch you, Donghun.”

“Thank you!” Donghun replies, sending him a tight smile. 

“So,” Junhee starts when they are alone. “Your teacher seems cool.”

“Yeah. Too cool.”

“What do you mean?”

Donghun shakes his head. “Nothing.” 

“Just say it, Donghun.”

“You were holding hands,” He says. “I’m not _insinuating_ anything here, I’m just saying.”

“We were _greeting_ each other. It’s a long story.”

“I have time.”

“No, you don’t.” Junhee says. “You’re next on stage.”

Donghun crosses his arms. “It’s a long performance.”

Junhee sighs. “We started on the wrong foot. I didn’t know he was a teacher and he didn’t– he thought I was a friend of someone who studies here.” As he speaks, Donghun starts walking. Closer and closer until his shoes are touching Junhee’s dirty sneakers. “He called me cute.”

“That must be against a law or something, I’m sure.”

“Don’t be stupid, that was a misunderstanding. And I’m cute. You wouldn’t think, but other people might.”

“Who said I don’t think you’re cute?” Donghun scoffs. “I think you are the cutest.”

“But that’s where it ends, isn’t it? I’m a cute friend. You don’t think I’m cute the way Minseok does.”

“And how is it?” Donghun asks.

“Like– like he could want me. Like I could be hot. I don’t know.”

“You liked that? That he acted like he wanted you?”

“So what if I did?” He says. “Someone has to, at some point. Someone has to want me.”

_Since you don’t._

“He’s a _teacher._ Are you listening to yourself?”

“Are _you_ listening to me? Donghun, are you listening to what I’m saying? I can’t– I really couldn't be more obvious than this. At this point I’m thinking you’re doing it on purpose.”

“Doing what?”

“This! Ignoring what I say. Pretending you don’t see. You see it. You see me, don’t you? You don’t want to, but you do.”

“I’m– I’m lost.” Donghun says.

Junhee shakes his head. “But I think I found exactly what I was looking for.”

Closure. That’s what he should fight for, and now he did. 

“What do you mean?”

“You better go find Yuchan. I’m hearing applause and you’re next. Good luck.”

“Please, wait. Don’t– don’t do this.” He holds onto the hem of Junhee’s shirt. 

Junhee breathes in– Donghun’s strong scent makes him dizzy, but he stands his ground. “Tell me one thing. Why do you care about– about who I like or if I liked the attention I got from your teacher? Please– please, be honest.”

“I don’t know.” Donghun replies. 

“Are you jealous?” Junhee presses. “Are you jealous of me?”

“No,” He replies, too fast. “No, I–"

"Let go of me, Donghun.” 

Donghun looks down to where his hand grips strongly the fabric of Junhee’s shirt. He sighs. “Don’t leave. Stay to– to hear Yuchan, if you will. You don’t have to stay for me.”

“Let go.” Junhee says, through gritted teeth. “Please.”

Donghun does. Junhee runs through the backstage door. He won’t cry– he won’t shed a single tear. Not here. 

Of course, he stays to watch. His jawline hurts from holding back the tears he so badly wants to let out, but he is a strong boy. He only looks at Yuchan, because he wouldn’t stand to look at Donghun, not after everything. 

He can’t run away from Donghun’s voice, though, and by the end of the song he decides to leave. It’s too much and he doesn’t want to be here anymore. On his way out, he texts Byeongkwan.

_I got the closure I needed._

Byeongkwan lives in a small apartment near campus, Junhee knows it’s a single bedroom and he will probably have to sleep on the couch, but still prefers that over going back home now. For months he had believed Donghun didn’t _know_ about his feelings, but it’s clear as day that he does. Donghun knows Junhee is in love with him, he had been _so_ clear about that in the backstage room.

He takes an Uber to Byeongkwan’s apartment, realising only when he’s inside the car that his app is connected to Donghun’s credit card. Well. That’s his own fault. 

Byeongkwan is already waiting for him at the door when Junhee gets there. 

“Ugh,” He whines. “You look like my dad.”

“I kinda feel like your dad now.”

“Sorry I’m showing up out of nowhere.” He says as he enters the living room. “Do you have bear?”

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” Byeongkwan asks.

“Yes, that’s what the bear is for.”

“We do have beer,” He confirms. “Are you sure you should be drinking, though?”

“Because of my meds?” He asks, continuing after Byeongkwan nods. “It's fine, they are just for bad days, also, if I’m drunk I will just pass out.”

“What happened? Please, _I’m_ literally about to pass out and die.” Byeongkwan whines. “You were so ominous in your text.”

Junhee sighs. “I am a hundred percent sure Donghun knows how I feel. He just doesn't feel the same way.”

“Did you confess? Wait, wait, I’m gonna get you the bear.”

“Kinda,” He looks at his hands, following Byeongkwan into the kitchen. “I– I said he only looked at me like I’m a cute friend and that maybe, maybe I wanted him to look at me like he wanted me.”

“Oh my God,” Byeongkwan says. “And what did he say?”

“That’s the thing! He didn’t say anything, I’m so– I’m so mad at him, it’s like he wasn’t listening.”

“But what did he say? He just stood there in silence?”

“No, we had a small argument about how there was this guy hitting on me and Donghun got bothered by it– it’s not the first time he does so, but tonight I asked him if he was jealous and he said no.”

Byeongkwan sighs, handing him his bear. “Men are so fucking slow.”

“It’s not that, Kwan. If you were there–” He stops to take a gulp from the slightly warm beer. “If you heard me, I sounded desperate even to my own ears.”

“It's not that I don’t believe you, but it just doesn’t make sense. Donghun looks at you like you’re a god he wouldn’t mind worshipping for the rest of his life.”

“That’s how _you_ think he looks at me.” Junhee shakes his head. “Can I crash here tonight?”

Byeongkwan’s eyes softens. “Of course.”

Junhee finishes his beer alone in the kitchen while Byeongkwan fixes him a pillow and some sweatpants. He just needs one night alone, one night away from Donghun to put his thoughts in order, to know what to do next. Falling in love with your roommate should be prohibited. Everything will be awkward now because Junhee doesn’t know how to control himself, if this week was hell because they weren’t talking, Junhee can only imagine how much worse it will be now that Donghun has broken his heart.

But then again, you can only nurse a broken heart back together after it has been thoroughly broken. If that’s what Junhee needed to let go of these feelings, these thoughts of having Donghun so close, then be it. 

* * *

Waking up the next day felt impossible, he had stayed up until morning came – his pills were at home, he wasn’t planning to stay away –, so Junhee had managed to sleep for a few minutes before he heard Sehyoon in the kitchen. He rises slowly, planning to follow his morning routine with Byeongkwan’s face products. He feels Sehyoon’s sweatpants sliding down his hips as he walks, but these were his only option once Byeongkwan is much smaller than him. The bathroom is empty, probably because Sehyoon and him are the only ones awake. After washing his face and finding an extra toothbrush in the cabinet under the sink to brush his teeth, he feels like a person again.

In the kitchen, Sehyoon is making pancakes.

“Morning, sunshine,” He greets, making Junhee laugh. “You are up early.”

“Didn’t get much sleep, you know.” 

“Right,” Sehyoon nods to himself. “Your brain has a chemical imbalance. I forgot.”

Junhee snickers. Silence with Sehyoon is never uncomfortable, but Junhee wants to ask something so he clears his throat. “Mmm, can I ask you a question?”

“Is it about your situation with Donghun?”

“Kind of.”

Sehyoon nods, he turns off the stove and rests his elbows on the kitchen counter, looking directly at Junhee. “Go on.”

“Did you really not known Kwan was in love with you? During all those months?”

Sehyoon throws his head back laughing. “I didn’t!” He replies. “I really had no idea. Byeongkwan had to sit me down and say the words “I love you” directly to my face and even then it took me fifteen minutes to believe he wasn’t just joking.”

“But it was so obvious! The way he acted around you, everyone could see he was in love.”

“It’s different when you’re an outsider, I think. I just thought he was being friendly while everyone else might have thought I was playing dumb.” Sehyoon says. “I bet you thought I was playing dumb.”

“Kinda,” Junhee replies. “But I also had to endure him whining about you for months.”

“I’m sorry,” Sehyoon giggles. “Why did you ask me that?”

“I was just thinking… I am sure Donghun knows how I feel, no one is that fucking dense, but–”

“But I was.” Sehyoon completes. 

Junhee nods. “So maybe he is too. I don’t know.”

“I think you should talk. Clearly. You know, just to be sure so you won't keep asking yourself what could’ve happened.”

“Should I?”

“You should.”

He lets out a sigh and drops his head to the counter. He doesn’t want to talk, he’s sure everything that happened is what would’ve happened anyway.

They wait for Byeongkwan to wake up before eating and after breakfast Junhee volunteers to wash the dishes since both Sehyoon and Byeongkwan have classes in the morning. 

“You can keep around if you want,” Sehyoon says. “We are getting tacos for dinner!”

“Thanks,” Junhee says. “But I might go home. I think I should.”

Even though he said he would go back to his own apartment, Junhee lazes around on their couch until late morning. He zaps through all the channels without really searching for something to watch and doesn’t even bother to switch back to his own clothes. He finally settles on an american tv show that is probably funnier if you are american. 

There’s a knock on the door that startles him. Sounds urgent, so he mutes the TV and hurries to the door. He doesn’t think neither Byeongkwan or Sehyoon would care about him getting the door and it might be important. So he does. He opens the door to find Donghun at the other side.

“Hi,” Donghun says. He looks like _shit,_ if Junhee is being honest. “You could’ve told me you weren’t going home.”

Junhee swallows. “Sorry, it slipped from my mind.”

“Can I come in?”

He nods and Donghun passes through him. He smells strongly of nicotine, and his hair is wet, dripping onto his shoulders. Junhee hadn’t realised it was raining. 

“Is there anything you want?” He asks, taking the chance to close the door slowly so he will have more time before he inevitably has to look at Donghun’s eyes. 

“Yes, you.” 

Junhee stops with his hand on the doorknob. “What?”

“Will you look at me?”

“No.” He says. 

Donghun laughs behind him. “Why not?”

“You– your face messes up with my head.”

“Then I will have to say I’m in love with you looking at the back of your head?” Donghun says. 

Junhee feels like he’s dreaming. “What?”

“Look at me.”

“I can’t.”

Donghun is coming closer – Junhee can tell by the way his sneakers are making a too-loud sound against the carpet because they are wet and he has half a mind to worry about Byeongkwan’s clean carpet before Donghun’s hands are on his waist and his brain short circuits. “Look at me.”

Junhee shakes his head. Donghun’s breath is fanning over his nape. "I can't." He says again.

"Fine. I just– I will just say it like this, then. Is that okay?"

He nods.

"Junhee," Donghun starts and Junhee closes his eyes. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realise what you were trying to say. I- I realised when I was singing. You were the only thing in my mind. I didn't understand why I couldn't stop thinking about you. I felt so weird knowing you were sad because of me. I'm sorry. I was an idiot. And I am still being an idiot because I'm so scared of saying how I feel."

"Why are you scared?"

"Because I've never felt this way before."

"For a man?" Junhee asks. 

"No. For anyone." Donghun says. His voice doesn’t waver, he sounds so sure of what he’s saying that Junhee’s knees go weak. “You’re the first.”

Junhee shifts on his feet, turning to face Donghun. They have a slight – but still there – height difference so Donghun has to look down for them to be able to make eye contact. “Are you being serious?”

“Yes,” He nods, vehemently. “I’ve never fallen in love before. The fact that you are my first terrifies me. You’re my best friend. I don’t want to mess it up with you.”

"You've been messing with me." Junhee says.

"Go easy on me," Donghun says. "Please?" He reaches for Junhee's chin, holding it delicately as if he's scared Junhee will slap his hand away.

"Okay," He replies. "But don't be afraid of touching me. I've waited for this for too long."

"Really? How long?"

"Too long." 

Junhee leans forward, finally, because if he learnt something about Donghun is that he might not make the first move ever – or at least in this scary beginning. There is a moment, a swift moment, after Junhee's lips touch Donghun's that everything seems to stop. The earth stops, time stops, Junhee's breathing stops, even his heart. Everything is motionless. Then, Donghun's lips move. It's insignificantly and agonizingly slow at first, he seems surprised that Junhee kissed him. But Junhee skims his tongue on his bottom lip, pressing the tip softly against his closed mouth and Donghun's brain catches up, finally. He loosens and sucks Junhee's tongue into his mouth. 

Junhee has thought about kissing Donghun so many times before. How is he going to taste? Is he a messy kisser? A slow, deep kisser or a tease kisser who pulls away just to see you following him, silently asking for more? 

Would he like the way I kiss, Junhee has pondered before. 

All these questions have an answer now. Donghun lets out such a sweet whine, delicate and precious that Junhee's brain catalogues and holds on to tightly so he won't ever forget. He cards his hands up into Donghun's hair at the same time Donghun brings his own hands to hold at Junhee's waist, he draws him closer to his body like this, kissing him back with so much enthusiasm that Junhee can't do anything but melt against his chest.

The feeling of Donghun's strong arms wrapping around his waist isn't weird for they have hugged many times before, but the way Donghun tugs him in even closer until their hips are flush together just so there's no space in between them, that's new, but not unwelcome. He cups Junhee's jaw again as he pulls away. "You are so good at this."

"At what?" He asks, out of breath. Donghun's hair is a mess, dishevelled just like it always is when he wakes up. 

Donghun looks extremely cute and absolutely devastating. 

"Kissing," Donghun replies. "I thought it would feel different–” 

Junhee laughs, interrupting him. "I know I'm a man but the logistics of kissing a boy and a girl are the same."

"No," Donghun shakes his head. "It's not about that. Kissing someone you are in love with feels different, somehow. Don't you feel it?"

Junhee licks his lips. "I do." 

“Should we keep kissing, then?” 

“I am not opposed, but… I think we should go home. I might want to do more than just kiss you and I don’t think Byongkwan would ever forgive me if I did that on his couch.”

“More than just kissing?” Donghun arches an eyebrow at him. “Naughty.”

“I mean, if– if you’re okay with it, of course. I don’t want to rush you into anything–”

“I do, Junhee, I want you. In every sense of the word.”

* * *

Needless to say, the drive home is hell. Junhee doesn't even look at Donghun, choosing to keep his eyes on the car window. Of course, Donghun's true self is coming out little by little and he rests a hand on Junhee's thigh, squeezing it so strongly that Junhee has to bite his lip to hold back a moan. It's humiliating how affected he gets just from that. Donghun keeps his hand there, alternating in between strong kneads around Junhee's flesh or light petting. 

"Stop," Junhee whispers-shouts at him. "You're so annoying."

Donghun pretends he's not listening. 

He continues, “I’m going to rip this piercing off your face.” 

At that, Donghun laughs, leaning in closer to Junhee to whisper in his ear, “With your teeth?”

Junhee chokes on his spit. 

“You were so obvious that day, by the way.”

“Like you were any _different,”_ He says. “You asked to touch my– my–”

“Your nipples.”

“Fuck off.”

“Gladly.”

“I miss the five minutes you were still scared of touching me,” Junhee sighs. “I really miss it.”

“No, you don’t.” Donghun laughs. “And I wasn’t _scared_ –”

“Sure, sure.” Junhee hums. 

They are out of the car before the driver even completely stops. Junhee walks out after Donghun and he can't stop himself from letting his eyes fall to Donghun's ass. It's so round and fills his jeans so well. Junhee wants to touch - to bite. He trips on his feet and grips Donghun's shoulder to keep from falling.

"You good?" Donghun asks, a smile in his voice.

"Fuck off."

The walk to the elevator is a nightmare, Donghun knows Junhee is staring at his ass and he puts on a show.

"I'm going to kill you." He says, voice low. "I'm serious."

"Somehow I doubt that," Donghun says.

The elevator feels too small. Maybe it's just that Junhee can't focus on anything else when Donghun is so close. He reaches for Donghun's waist, pulling him close and resting his cheek on the middle of his shoulders. 

"I can't believe you love me back."

"I do," Donghun says. He doesn't try to turn around and Junhee is grateful for that. Looking at his face now would be embarrassing. "I really do love you, Jun."

“Okay,” Junhee breathes out. “Okay.

“Are you nervous?”

“Of course I am,” He laughs. “Are you not?”

“A little,” Donghun shrugs. Junhee bites his lip.

The ting of the elevator door opening brings Junhee back to reality as he follows behind Donghun again. It's real, now, he grasps. He has run through this scenario in his head at least a hundred times: him getting Donghun off right after they get home, quick and dirty against the door, on his knees, totally clothed. He'd entertained the idea of having him on the couch, of course, pressed together so close moving would be hard. 

The bed, though, that was dangerous territory. They slept there every night, Donghun pulling him close to his warm body in the middle of the night, Junhee couldn't let himself think about having him on that bed. 

But now, he can. 

Donghun unlocks their apartment door without saying anything. There are goosebumps all over his skin just from thinking he is allowed to want Donghun now, to think of him as something more than just a friend because Donghun wants him back, thinks of him as something else, too. 

Donghun wants this, too. 

"Where..." He trails off. No one teaches you what to say or how to say certain things. Taking a deep breath, he tries again. "Where do you want to...?"

Donghun turns to look at him. "Kiss me."

Junhee couldn't say no if he wanted to. Not that he wouldn't want to kiss Donghun, there's no possibility he would ever deny this boy a kiss. He walks up to him, cupping his face on both hands and pulling him closer. Donghun's arms circle his waist again and he kisses back, intensely, unhurried. It's better than their first kiss, somehow, because Donghun feels confident, tongue moving alongside Junhee's, hands squeezing him, touching him all over, running around his body like he can't get enough from him. Donghun kisses him back so strongly that it almost hurts.

He drags his mouth away from Junhee’s lips just to trail kisses on his jaw, his neck, licking and biting, wanting too much of the boy in his arms.

“You,” Junhee starts, breathlessly. “You said you’d quit smoking.”

Donghun nods, mouth occupied sucking a – gigantic – bruise on Junhee’s neck. When he’s satisfied, he pulls away to answer.

“Yeah, I was doing fine until yesterday, but don’t worry, I will start over. No smoking.” He crosses his fingers in front of Junhee’s face. “Promise.”

“Fine.”

Donghun tugs at the hem of Junhee’s shirt. “Okay?”

Junhee nods. “Okay.” He raises his arms to help Donghun out a little bit. The living room is warm enough for it not to be a problem, but Donghun’s eyes are too hungry and Junhee has to fight back from covering himself. 

“I almost forgot about these,” He says. Junhee knows what he’s talking about, but still, he jumps a little when he feels Donghun touching his nipple – his piercing. Whatever. He feels it on his nipple, so might as well be it. “You don’t know how hard it was for me to keep myself from thinking about this ever since you got them.”

“You didn’t have to–” Junhee begins, but is promptly cut off when Donghun lowers himself so he is face to face with Junhee’s chest. “What are you going to do?”

“I’ve wanted to get my mouth on them for so long. Can I?”

Junhee coughs, choking up a little. “Yeah, of course, is that even a question?”

“Won’t it hurt?” Donghun asks. 

“I’ll be honest,” Junhee says, he brings one of his hands to hold at the back of Donghun’s head. “I don’t care if it hurts.”

Junhee wasn't prepared to feel Donghun’s tongue sliding against his nipple. He– he wanted it, obviously. He allowed himself to think about it once or twice, but it doesn’t compare to the real thing. He’s undeniably aroused, absolutely into it. Donghun’s hand gives attention to his other nipple, rolling the nub between his fingers, it feels surreal. His tongue presses sweetly against Junhee’s chest, mouth closing around it as he sucks. Junhee lets out a hiss. He feels like his body is on fire. 

“Fuck,” He says, hand holding onto Donghun’s hair. “Fuck.”

Donghun pulls away, but his fingers are still working on Junhee’s nipple, rubbing it softly. "Good?”

“Are you serious? Can we go to bed, like, now?”

Donghun smirks, he presses his palm down on Junhee’s chest, smirk growing bigger as he sees how affected, pliant under him, Junhee is. He looks slighted fascinated as he catches a nipple between his fingers again and– and tugs at it. Junhee’s knee slam up against Donghun’s, brain going all fuzzy and slow and he– he lets out such an embarrassing moan. 

“Donghun.” He says.

“What? Too much?”

“Bed, please.”

Junhee doesn’t know how he manages to walk to their room– to Donghun’s room. He just does. Flopping on the bed he spreads his legs so Donghun will fit in between them. 

“You’re so gorgeous,” He says. “So gorgeous you don’t even seem real.”

Junhee blushes. “Shut up.”

He must look utterly wrecked from the nipple play, from the thrill of being intimate with someone he has been wanting for so long, from knowing the boy he loves, loves him back. He is a mess, that’s for sure, but still, Donghun looks at him like he’s the most perfect thing on earth. When they lips touch again, he moves so one of Donghun’s thighs are in between his legs, which means one of his thighs ends up pressing against Donghun’s dick. 

“Oh, my God,” Donghun mumbles against his lips. 

Donghun grinds down forcefully again and Junhee holds him by the hips, helping him out a little. He sounds desperate and addictive as he presses himself down on Junhee’s thigh. His hair is drenched in sweat, mouth hanging open – he’s beautiful. Junhee thinks he’s the most beautiful. 

“Good?” He asks. Of course, he doesn’t wait for a reply, not when Donghun looks so lost in pleasure, so focused on grinding against him, he is getting close just from the slight pressure on his dick and from the way Donghun looks above him right now. He hears a hitch on his breathing. “Baby?” 

Donghun moans so loud it startles them both. “Fuck, Junhee.” He closes his eyes and his movement gets even more urgent. “Say that again.”

“Baby?”

“So close,” Donghun cries out. “Please–”

Junhee understands, his hands fall to Donghun’s ass and he pulls him closer, kneading his ass at the same time he presses his hands down. “It’s okay, you can let go.” He says. 

Donghun is mesmerizing when he comes. Junhee knew he’d look good, but he looks so– so unreal. His mouth is bitten, red, spit-slick as he breathes out like he’s so relieved, and Junhee gets there just by watching as Donghun’s face contorts into a raw expression of pure bliss. And then he giggles and lets his forehead fall to Junhee’s shoulder. 

“Donghun,” Junhee calls. “Sticky.”

“Mmm,” He answers. “I will never move again.”

“Yes, you will or else you will crush me and we won’t ever be able to do this again."

Donghun sighs. “Fine.” He rolls off Junhee, falling to his side, but he refuses to stop touching him. Silence washes over them, comfortable and warm. Junhee’s almost scared he will wake up at any second now and all this will have been just a very vivid dream. As if reading his mind, Donghun scoots closer on the bed and kisses Junhee's naked shoulder. "I love you." He says. 

"I love you, too." Junhee answers. "It's weird saying this aloud. I used to think only."

"You used to think about this a lot?"

"About saying that I love you?" He asks and Donghun hums. "Yeah. Sometimes I felt like I'd just blurt it out."

"Me too."

“Yeah?”

Donghun nods. “I’m glad we worked it out.” He yawns. “I feel like I’m high from how happy I am.”

Junhee giggles. “Do you want to take a nap?”

“Yeah, can we? Do you feel like you could sleep?”

“I think so. You help, remember?” Junhee replies. He shifts on the bed, taking off his pants, throwing it on the floor near the bed, Donghun rolls to his back, shimming out of his own jeans. “I was thinking…”

“What?” 

“Now that we are dating… we are dating, right?”

“Yeah,” Donghun laughs. “Of course we are.” 

“Then, now that we are dating we don’t need two rooms.”

“I agree,” He says. “What do you have in mind, can I know?”

“You could buy a piano and we could– we could make it a little music room. You could teach me, what do you think?”

Donghun looks at him. Big eyes shining. “I’d love to.” He can’t help but give a wistful sigh at just the thought of it. “I’d really love to.”

“Great! I think that will be nice.” Junhee says, slow as sleep starts to catch up to him. Before he completely dozes off, though, he feels as Donghun presses a lingering kiss to his hair, hands pulling Junhee to him. 

That’s how they like to sleep, Junhee remembers, as close together as possible. 

He hopes it will be forever like this

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 🦊.


End file.
